Perfectionism

I recently went to a general practitioner with complaints of neck and back pain. She glanced at me briefly, then lowered her head to her computer and continued typing.

– “Everything is clear, – she told, – You have low back pain. You have too tight neck and spine muscles that are squeezed and create pain.”

I was surprised:- “How did you make a diagnosis so quickly?”

And she says: – ” I have been working for a long time and I know your type of people, you are a perfectionist.”

I was even more surprised: – “Yes, and how did you find out?”

– ” Look and you can see-she calmly answers, without raising her head.

here you are now knocking on the door to the office, carefully entered and sat down on a chair straight, you are wearing pressed trousers and a clean shirt, a new jacket without a single puff. In your hands you are holding a neatly tied folder, I did not see its front part, but for sure there is an inscription on it, something like “Health”.”

I looked at him shyly. And, indeed, on the front of the folder I carefully wrote the word “Health”, and I carefully put all my medical documents in this folder.

Still, I wondered, ” But what does all this have to do with my health? “

The doctor looked up wearily from the computer, looked at me, and said: “Everything is interconnected. Your perfectionism is your diagnosis, You are too stressed psychologically, and therefore physically. Your core muscles can’t relax and are in good shape, so they get overworked and block the blood flow to certain parts and you get congestion. This same tension in the muscles and burns energy, so you are such an asthenic warehouse. You are thin and can’t get better. Am I right?””

“Yes, that’s right. I said humbly, and realized that I had given up on this insight. Various thoughts began to run through my head, which, as always happens, are scattered in fragments in different corners. But it is only necessary to find an explanation for them, as they immediately gather into one large figure and stick together, in a now seemingly harmonious and logical structure. I remembered how as a child, almost from birth, I was distinguished by a craving for order and neatness. I remember exactly that in my nightstand all the notebooks were laid out in neat rows. At the same time, notebooks in a cage and in a ruler lay separately from each other, textbooks always lay in a neat pile: one under the other. The pencils and pens in the pencil case were in separate compartments. Everything was always neat for me as a child and it continued after that. I didn’t like clutter and struggled with it everywhere: at school and at the institute, and even now, as an adult, I try to lay out my things evenly. My laptop is always on the table parallel to it. And when I see things standing unevenly even on someone else’s table, if no one sees them, I try to put them straight. This perfectionism is transmitted not only to external insignificant things, it also affects the work. I try to make perfect products, try to do any task perfectly and bring it to perfect execution. I believe that the software product that my company develops should be without a single misfire and error. Because of this, we spend a lot of time on it and often do not have time to release it in time. In general, perfectionism is not a little trouble in the life of its owner.

These thoughts quickly flashed through my mind. I woke up and went to the doctor again – “So what should I do? How to get rid of this disease?”

The doctor smiled , “There is no cure for this disease. You need to change your psychology. You must stop expecting the world to be perfect, and you must stop being perfect yourself. To forgive myself and others for their weakness, their imperfections. You need to accept the fact that the objects in your path will not lie flat, parallel and perpendicular. That there are zigzags and wavy lines in life, and not just smooth ones. Once you accept this, your life will become easier. You will stop being so tense: you will be more fun, easier. People will feel it and reach out to you, you will not be as dry as you are now. “

I smiled wearily -” So you are not a therapist, you are a psychologist. I said.

The doctor smiled, ” What difference does it make what I’m called? The main thing is that you have learned your diagnosis. “

– “Yes, thank you. I said. “Now I think I know my diagnosis.”